Dadisms
by irms
Santana Olguin Sr. - June 28th 1956 - January 13th, 2003 (46 years, 6 months, and 16 short days)
I regularly blame my mom and my dad for how I turned out. I don’t care what people say, this apple fell straight down. I know this because I remember about a thousand things my dad used to say that made too much sense for me to care about at the time, and now, they’re the same things I tell other people and they think I’m so wise.
When I was young I wondered why my dad seemed to beat a dead horse about repeating these things to his kids (not just his kids, everyone who pretended to listen). I don’t wonder about that anymore, because the repetition makes perfect sense: It’s how we learn.
(In fact, they say that the surest way to remember everything you’ve ever learned, is to think about it at the moment you’re about to forget. Forgetting wasn’t an option with my dad, but the point still makes sense.)
Lessons Learned
- Just because I don’t like it, doesn’t make it wrong.
- There’s something to learn from everything, including you.
- If you haven’t done anything wrong, then you have nothing to worry about.
- Nothing really hurts, it’s just “not comfortable” and things aren’t good, they’re “not half bad”.
- It’s not ok to wear a hat in a building, especially if there is a flag present.
- Not getting “back on the horse” will teach you to be afraid of the horse, and that is not allowed.
- There will always be someone out there working to be better than you are, and that means you can be replaced.
And Things I Remember
- He knew the location of every McDonalds in all cities. It’s how he gave directions, “Turn right at the McDonalds,” he’d say.
- He’d leave the TV on the channel that played the same Indian music video on a loop for hours just because it bothered us.
- He encouraged his children to wrestle, much to the dismay of their mother.
- Our visiting friends were treated just like his kids and were held to the same standards.
- He watched Star Trek — a lot.
- When someone would ask how he was doing he’d say, “Better than I deserve.”
- He wore a Santa hat every year from the day after Thanksgiving to Christmas Day no matter where he went.
- He loved my mom and his kids beyond reason.
I feel time stood still when my dad died. Sometimes it still does. These are my memories, please add yours in the comments.
germs, germs, germs…. Indeed. Indeed.
The one memory i have of your Dad that I will NEVER forget was how, no matter what the circumstance, he always called me Bug….. just like everyone else did. He always said it so naturally, just like Tron. I loved that about him. That, and how he put up with Michelle, Tron and me always watching and quoting Friends. If memory serves me right, I think he may have even given up a Star Trek episode or two just so we could watch re runs.
I love and miss you all,
Bug
I just remember your dad as the older brother that I didn’t have. I guess that is saying a lot, for reasons unknown I have 7 brothers and none of them are actually open to discussing anything of a sensitive nature, so that would leave your dad, and the poor guy would get an ear full on the trials and tribulations in my life. On the other hand he would also be the one that if and when the time came to poke fun at anyone he was the first in line. (McDonald’s anyone?)
There are times I sit around and think “what would he tell me to do in this situation?” and then I remember, oh he would make fun of me and I would forget what the heck I was worried so much about.
If there was a man on this earth that lived life to its fullest and kicked it in the @#$, it was your dad. We should all aspire to be more like him and less like we are. I am sure that I can never miss him as much as any of you, but there is a place in my heart that still thinks that he should be here.
I love all of you with all of my heart.
Nora-li
I never thought it was possible to feel that I could know a man so well even though we’d never met. Books and movies tell us that people live on in the memories and the stories of the ones they leave, but who really believes that romantic Hollywood stuff, anyway? Until I met you and your family, I was one of the skeptics. Everyone knows that the “Irmas” have a lot of great stories, but there are none I love to hear more than the ones told about Santana. I love the stories about how he used to fix cars with any old house hold item even though every mechanic will tell you that you can’t hold the insides of a car together with a coat hanger and a couple pieces of twine, how he would embarrass his kids in front of their friends by wearing old holey sweat pants around the house, and how he would give every waitress a hard time (clearly, all in good fun) just to watch your mom squirm. However, it is not the stories themselves that I find so moving, but the way they are told. In between the moment that the story comes to the mind of one of you and the moment it’s told, there is a calm followed by a smile from the story teller. That is the moment that I can tell how much this man is loved, the impact he had on those he knew and how very much he is missed. I feel that he does live in the memories of you and your family, and you do such a wonderful job of showing those not lucky enough to have met him, just how truly amazing he was. I appreciate your stories, I appreciate your memories, and I thank you for letting me know what he means to you.
I love the dadisms and, I have to be honest, I have used them myself many times. Of course I give credit to “my good friend’s very wise father”, as I relay some of the “lessons learned” to my students. They are honest and sincere and can shape an individual into someone worth being.
Beth
Your dad is the only person that has questioned why I’d fly across the world to laze about on a sofa. And, still, whenever I make a sandwich, I have a paranoia (and a smile) about people being aware of it.
He was an excellent man – with HUGE hands – that went too soon. My time at your place is etched in my mind forever. Miss you all.
Andy
It puzzles me how such simple words could have such a tremendous impact on so many lives. There is a significant void left from the passing of our father, and it is through these word (rules of life) that he is truly remembered. These are lessons that I try desperately to pass on to my daughter in hopes that she grows up to understand the type of man her grandfather was.
“Don’t share, Don’t get any.”
I wish I had a dad just like yours.
Thoughts from Alice . . . now that I have read your entries and shed my tears . . .
I only met your Dad [Santana] a few times when he would drop by the office to pick up your Mom. It was apparent the moment he entered the room that they were IN LOVE!!! I mean, like the room, the space between them, would light up, that’s the only way I can explain it, and that doesn’t do their “aura” justice. You know, neither could wipe the smiles off their faces and this was after how many years? Just made you want to gag.
Of course, it was obvious to anyone who met Santana even for a brief moment that he was a man who was full of life and humor. He used to call and ask to speak to that “Beautiful Woman”. I was often tempted to say, “Speaking” but there was something sacred about this bond between them that even crazy Alice wouldn’t dare to tread on, even in jest.
I do not comprehend why God puts some people on this earth for short durations and others for long durations, but I guess someday we will have all those answers . . . do you ever wonder WHO Santana is harrassing in Heaven? AND, by the way, Santana, Sr., I truly believe your little “Bella” is well acquainted with her Grandpa . . . who do you think sent her?
Love to each of you,
Alice
I’m sure that if there was a definition for “Santana” in the dictionary
we would see “Awsome husband,father, friend, brother, son,funny,
loving, kind, people person ” who knows how many pages it would take to begin to describe him. I too remember the santa hat every year, which gave the season more of its joy. he seemed to look for the positive even in the hard times. i remember my first times at the family gatherings as an “in-law” were a little nerve recking for me, Santana caught on to that and talked to me(took me under his wing)and assured me things would be ok and helped me with the process of in-law becoming family. he is a big part of our family, to Diego he was an older brother that gave them motorcycle rides down the dirt road, but not just Santana and Diego were on that ride, but Abraham and Jesse were on the same ride(imagine that). What an awsome ride for a child, what a memory! he always did things that will stay with us our whole life through. for my Josh he remembers Santana as the “tio who understood me”. Santana had the gift of making others feel accepted whether it was though a smile, hug, a pat on the back or giving a listening ear. he will always be missed but he can be seen in his wife and his children, in thier way of living life to the fullest the way he did. THANKS SANTANA !
There is only one event that is memorable to me on Jan 13th, but it is very rare that an event does not remind be of Santana, my 8th brother.
Events that trigger a memory of him, with out fail, are
when we order pizza.
when I discipline my own children.
when we watch star wars movies, and sci fi movies.
when I miss my family, my country, and US holidays.
when I hear heavy metal music, or instrumental music.
when I have a disagreement with my own husband.
when I make home made tortillas and refried beans.
when my kids want to run around the house ¨A natural¨.
when I have the urge to spend our last $10 buck on a pepsi and renting a movie.
These are just a few of the events that trigger a memory, but there are times I I consciously choose to think of him as well.
May everyone that reads this continue to be blessed…..
Terry
I am so thankful to have known Dad for as long as I did. Although I was just another one of his victims of his awful jokes he (and everyone else in the family) accepted me for who I was and treated me like one of his kids.
The last thing I said to him was “Bye, Dad!” on my way out to visit my family–I think that was the first (and last) time I called him that. I am so happy that I did that day, cause I wouldn’t have had the chance when Tuna and I married.
I still think he roams the house. (Even though that might freak people out). Who else taught Bella those dance moves?!
He lives in all of us….and I will NEVER forget.
Love you guys.
What a weird guy, right?? Thank you, irm for writing this. You wouldn’t be able to tell by my reaction, but that blog and all of these wonderful comments are the best thing I’ve read in a really long time (and I’ve read some pretty good books lately)!
People say they don’t want to talk about him for fear of ruining someones day, but for me, I’m thinking about him ALL the time, and I feel like people get tired of ME talking about him. At least once a day I find myself saying “my dad….” or “thats how my dad…” or something like that. So when he pops into someone’s mind, I would love nothing more than to hear their thoughts. Even if, like with this blog, my reaction makes my eyes get watery and makes me feel like I swallowed a baseball and its lodged in my “proximal esophageal region”, or throat for those of you who did not attend medical school like I did. 😉 It may look look like I’m sad on the outside, but I feel so so good when people remember my dad for the goofy man that he was.
There is no doubt in my mind that he loved his wife and kids (even his extended kids) with all his heart. He and my mom will forever be the people I measure all relationships to. If I could be half as happy as my parents were, and half the parent my parents were to us, I’d consider myself luckier than I could ever have asked for. I love you all. Thank you for taking the time to read and post your memories and stories about my dad. Your memories keep me sane.
Tron
How many years have I known you, known your parents? I remember riding in the van and hanging out at the house in town. I remember your dad had the biggest heart. I would love that he would come to our games and give us that terrific smile. He gave us that feeling, “You can do it, I know you can”. When my parents weren’t there, I knew that if your dad was there, that someone would be there to support me. Because that is what he did. I loved how he would come to the games in his dirty work clothes because it reminded me of my dad. And if memory serves me correctly, at your graduation party, he came outside with the rest of us and danced.
When I learned that he had passed away (nearly two years later), I was so sad. I didn’t even know. He was a terrific man, that, like everyone else said, treated me and my brother just like his kids. I will never-ever forget his smile, his laughter and the way he filled up a room. He is someone, like your mom, that I will remember forever.
What a beautiful thing to write.
Odessa (Hemman) Trevarrow´s last blog post..A short recap
Wow… best lesson I’ve EVER heard…
“There will always be someone out there working to be better than you are, and that means you can be replaced.”
That is a fantastic lesson. Seriously, I just got really motivated from that one line. Thank you for that. 🙂 I hope all is well with you.
I’ve known you just about my entire life. Parents, brothers, sisters family and friends are always a huge part of our lives.
Of these, I can remember seeing your dad, driving by every day, waving at me when I walked home from school or was sitting out on my front porch with Dessa. I can remember thinking what a small, kind thing it was just to wave and make someone feel like a friend.
Your family is one of the most kind and loving and ACCEPTING that I have ever met – that was a very big deal to me when I was younger and would like to let you, Sandi and Santana and of course your Mom know that I really appreciated it and still do.
I didnt know your father as well and for as long as I am sure most of the people here did. I did not meet him or any of the Olguin clan until I started High School. I remember that when I played football he was always at the games and no matter how little I played he would always know what I did on the field and congratulate me for a tackle I made or console me on the ones I didn’t. I will always remember your father as a kind man who always had a smile on his face and a love in his heart.
The world could use a lot more like him. I am sure he is sorely missed by all who knew him.
So, ok here is the rest of my quarter. Spending a few minutes reading all the wonderful thoughts and memories makes you wonder, what the heck why him? This man had so much going for him. I am not saying financially or even materially, but the love he had all around him it seems as though things are a little odd with the selection process when it comes time for “HIM” to take an individual. There are so many sorry individuals that don’t have anyone, no family, no one to love them, no one who would care whether that individual is alive or dead. That of course would be a question to ask once we are fortunate enough to die and meet “HIM”. So why am I so in this somber mood, all of this reading has actually opened my eyes. It matters how you treat people, how you either accept them for what they are! It seems as though your dad did something none of us have or will probably ever do, and that was accept anyone that came into his life without prejudices, that was just one of the many gifts he gave to everyone he met.
All I can say is WOW were we lucky.
Nora-li
It’s true what they say, the good die young. I remember spending countless days at your house, esepcially during the summer. Your dad and mom always welcomed everyone with open arms. We would play Nintendo 64 hours on end until we were kicked outside to play. One summer evening we were outside on your sidewalk and I decided to try and skateboard (key word here is try) and he was the first one there to help me up and dust off the scrapes. He made sure that I was ok and and had me busting up with everyone else.
Any parent would be proud to have called him son, any sibbling proud to have called him brother, a wife proud to have called him a husband and a child prould to have called him dad. People can come into our lives briefly but leave a lasting impression.
Of all the families that I have been blessed to be around, no family has touched me exactly the same way that the Olguins have.
Irma Jr and I first met at Washington Union High School, back in 2005. Not knowing me, or me knowing her, I entered her office and asked if I could help her with anything that she needed, eventually hoping to learn a thing or two about computers, like the chips and salsa. Consequently, by offering my services, I was encouraged, but never forced, to perform jobs such as precisely rapping useless dusty cables and zip tying every last one until the sun set and anally organizing Cd’s in manufacturer order. These things, and many more, lasted a couple weeks in which then I did begin learn the process of computer repair and software installation. I can’t say that the whole job was rigorous, after learning a dozen of valuable lessons, I eventually got to play with computers and learn how to fix them. Long story short, my seemingly short time under the guidance of Irma was one of my most valuable life changing experiences. The knowledge that I gained during this time was priceless and now I get to use it to help people; just what Irma uses hers for. Though, it wasn’t just computer repair knowledge, the most important things I learned where how to be a good person and have good life values.
Unfortunately, I was two years shy of meeting the much praised “Santana”. From the family, I have heard some of the most touching stories on how he: made people face fears, was well motivational, and made things work using almost nothing. Some of these stories, as almost all stories told by Irms and the family, have great humor; but not all of these stories ended with knight in shining armor saving his princess. However, they all had a great lesson that these incredible people continue live by.
I just want to say that you don’t have to meet someone feel their gift of life. Santana was taken early, but he bestowed in his children how they should live their life and they continually live by it and pass it on to others. The most successful people don’t necessarily have wealth or luxuries, but Santana did. He had a wealth of love for everyone and the luxury of knowing that he had a loving family that would always be there for him and continually live by his wishes. He passed forward three wonderful people into this world, and every time I am over at their house I learn something. I am always treated with just as much respect as any other person at the house, except for by Bruce (Irm’s dog, long legs, man with the beard, the one who ONLY and clearly speaks Spanish), who mistakenly thinks I am a salt lick. 🙂
This family puts everyone else first. They love everyone and are just a wonderful bunch of people that I love to be around! I know that Santana is in a wonderful place right now just praising every day knowing that his family are doing great things and continue to live by the values that he, figuratively beat into them.
To finish I want to add about a very special person that I don’t want to go overlooked. From what I’m told, he was best friends with Santana. When I first met Al I couldn’t help but notice that he reminded me of me, without the knowledge that he has in mechanics. He, just as everyone else in the family, took me in as another family member. I’ve been up in his plane, been on a motorcycle ride with him, and Irma Sr, and he always takes some time to show me the “new bike” that Irma and himself are going to work on next. I just want to add, from my perspective, that I know that Santana is resting in peace knowing that Irma Sr is being well taken care of. I have never not seen a smile on this guys face, and I can say that if I were faced with a bad situation and I needed someone to take care of my “Love,” I would wish that the person that takes care of her treats her exactly how Al treats Irma.
Thank you for taking the time to read my comment. Have a great day!
Ryan (RC)
I know that I can not really express the love I have for mom and dad. I do have a real wonderful mom but Santana and Irma were my parents in every sense of the word too. I always felt like a 4th or whatever number child. (some times there were many of us there) There are so many memories that I have of dad and I cherish everyone of them. There were many family trips that I was invited to tag along with Tron. I was never just Tron’s friend I was always his daughter too. I wanted to share in this wonderful page because he was such a big and great part of my life. From the first time I met him until the last time I said good bye dad he made such an impression on my life. Just an effort was not good enough. He always pushed me to do my very best even if no one but me would see the results. I had to try a little harder, run a little faster, jump a little higher and never let someone beat me. If I (we the team lost) because some one was just better than us, in sports, than that was OK. It happens. But it was not OK to let them win because we did not give 110%. Thanks dad! I will never stop trying to touch the ceiling 🙂
There were times when I was there that were crazy with kids running around the back yard or splashing in the pool (or sprinkler depending on the house) as long as we didn’t get out of hand dad would just let us have fun. But he was never afraid to remind us to be respectful in all we did, no matter what. Then there were times when mom and Tron had fallen asleep or something and Irm and Tana were I don’t know where and me and dad would just watch TV together in the quiet. Our favorite movie was “Quigly down under” we watched that movie so many times! It was wonderful to have such a loving father. Since I have/had no relationship with my biological dad Santana was a wonderful replacement. He knew this about me and took on the task with open arms.
Dad taught me that it is OK to love your family more than anything else in the world. No matter when or where. At the end of the day, when all the dust has cleared family is all you have left. He is what I have to measure fathers against and so far all have fallen short. He will never be forgotten. Whether it is the small Santa hat I keep on the Christmas tree or in the stories we will make sure and share with Bella or in the quiet moments in my heart I will never forget him and his love. Thanks so much dad for all you did for this little girl. You are my rock.
Happy Birthday Dad…
I Love you..
miss you